I go to collage fairs, look for internships, try to track down the ideal fit of a university for me, and think solemnly about my future. But as all this happens, I feel like a five year old trying to fit into her mothers high heals. It feels like I am being forced to grow up, but has anyone thought if that is what I really want? Do I really want to end school, leave my friends, family, house, and my whole life behind? Leave behind the uncountable number of laughs, smiles, tears, anger, ups, and downs? And truly, though my parents and teachers think I am mature enough to start making all these decisions, I am not.
I am not ready to start to think about collage, and moving, and making friends, and starting a whole new life, and all this huge amount of stress. What if I feel like I need my mom, or my dad, or my friends, or that really good salad that I like to eat at home? Then what? Do I come back home? It’s all too much too handle for a little girl like me.
And then comes that big thought, I am constantly saying how much I want to leave but I never realized that I was not ready. Sure, we have two and a half years left of school, and I can improve my grades now, but I can’t force myself to grow up.
What if I regret studying fashion merchandising instead of psychiatry? It’s all to much to take in. I should just take a deep breath and relax I guess. After all, we have two more years left. Two more years. Two more years! That’s all, we’re off to meeting our future. If I were to graduate tomorrow, would I be ready to take off? No. I wouldn’t.