You know how you watch all these typical movies, where the main character in faced with a big decision to make, and so a figure of them dressed as a devil pops up in one of their shoulders and a figure of them dressed as an angel stand on their other shoulder and they start debating on what the main character should do. The devil gives the bad advice and the angel gives the good one, and if you have not seen any of these movies, the main character almost always follows what the devil says, then realizes what a bad idea that was, and learns his/her lesson. But what if that actually happens in real life? You have this good side in you, and a bad one, and then this huge decision you have to make. But we’re not always right, are we?
This week I realized on thing. I am not a person who can deal with all the autonomy given to me. I usually am either a good leader or a good follower, but it was difficult for me to imagine myself being both a leader and a follower to myself.
Through out the semester I have been working on a project in which I have a lot of autonomy and it frightened me, because I had never done anything like this before. Through out my project, like any person trying something new, I have made several mistakes such as organizing my time in efficient ways, completing work on time, planning, staying on task, and these are just few of them. But we are human, and how can a human learn without first making some mistakes? Now I learned how to deal with my worst enemy, the part of me that holds me back, or that little devil figure that stands on my shoulder and tells me not to do things, or go the wrong way. Because now I know, it was wrong. I was not trusting myself. Maybe I should not listen to the innocent devil, nor to the troubles that come with a devil. Perhaps, I should simply listen to myself.
What if the real me is the angel, a small soul inside a large corpse, trying to control my mind the best I can. But this part of me, the old me, keeps on holding me back. What if all this time, I was not fighting against Facebook, Netflix, and my friends as all of the distractions I thought I faced in my life? Maybe this whole time I was in combat with one person, myself. And just that single thought frightens me. It gives me shivers to think this, and this all goes back to the presentation I have at the end of last semester. I am my problem, but I am also my solution. I can be the evilest villain or the bravest superhero. But in the end, it all comes down to one thing, it comes down to me.
This week I realized on thing. I am not a person who can deal with all the autonomy given to me. I usually am either a good leader or a good follower, but it was difficult for me to imagine myself being both a leader and a follower to myself.
Through out the semester I have been working on a project in which I have a lot of autonomy and it frightened me, because I had never done anything like this before. Through out my project, like any person trying something new, I have made several mistakes such as organizing my time in efficient ways, completing work on time, planning, staying on task, and these are just few of them. But we are human, and how can a human learn without first making some mistakes? Now I learned how to deal with my worst enemy, the part of me that holds me back, or that little devil figure that stands on my shoulder and tells me not to do things, or go the wrong way. Because now I know, it was wrong. I was not trusting myself. Maybe I should not listen to the innocent devil, nor to the troubles that come with a devil. Perhaps, I should simply listen to myself.
What if the real me is the angel, a small soul inside a large corpse, trying to control my mind the best I can. But this part of me, the old me, keeps on holding me back. What if all this time, I was not fighting against Facebook, Netflix, and my friends as all of the distractions I thought I faced in my life? Maybe this whole time I was in combat with one person, myself. And just that single thought frightens me. It gives me shivers to think this, and this all goes back to the presentation I have at the end of last semester. I am my problem, but I am also my solution. I can be the evilest villain or the bravest superhero. But in the end, it all comes down to one thing, it comes down to me.